How we handle Father’s Day
Well it’s pretty obvious what has inspired my expression today…. Fathers Day!
Growing up Father’s Day was never really an issue for me, in that I never knew any different but being Father-less. I mean sure there was plenty of candidates for my mother, as she struggled with single parenthood. . . The man my mother ended up marring was lovely at the time and we stayed close for a few years even after their divorce. However like most the male figures in my life he was soon to move on to a new family in which it was deemed inappropriate for me to stay close to him (as the new wife put it ‘She is not blood related and therefore not part of this family’) This never made sense to me as she had adopted a child . . . . . Father’s Day was great for those years that I felt like I had a father figure in my life. . .
The few years of anger and a sense of rejection has pasted by and now I am back to not having an issue, nearly a profound numbness. . .
My children on the other hand struggle each year to say the least . . . a few years back while crying on my shoulder my eldest and I decided that each year we will celebrate Father’s Day in our own way by doing something manly lol . . . Both my children have distant and unconventional fathers who unfortunately have never really a possessed a parental bond in their body. This has always forced me to hold a sense of guilt, as it was my decisions and choices that ultimately lead to my life as a single parent or in other words their lack of father-ness in their lives. It is noticeable, the hurt in their eyes on Father’s Day as it is a reminder of something they never had …
As I express my message today I am instantly kicked off my pity wagon by a beautiful moment that occurred today. . While on his 10 minute break my son has posted on my Facebook wall the most gorgeous message to which I would love to share with you all. . .
‘Happy Father’s Day mum I love you you’re the best dad/ mum anyone could ask for love you heaps’
The overwhelming rush through my heart creeps into my eyes as the tears drip slowly down my check, I have never been so proud of myself then in this exact moment! Here I am writing about how hard it is to see my children without a Father on Father’s day and the truth is – it may not have been an orthodox up bringing for my gorgeous boys but they really haven’t missed out on too much J. I officially release the guilt and accept my sole role as both Mother and Father. . .
Each year the plan for Father’s Day is not only to do something macho but to celebrate the fact we are still a close and loving family. To embrace the concept that my boys are growing into beautifully souled young men with respect and honour even though they have not had their Fathers. This is also our way to remember and thank all the amazing men that have been a part of the journey along the way. My best friends, my brother, my friends’ husbands, my friends fathers, house mates and of course my now long lost foster brother.
The first year was spent ME fixing the fence gate hahah and the next year was spent dismantling an old car we had all intentions of rebuilding (please emphasize the words INTENSION TO). This year is a little different as my Oldest had organised a surprise manly activity but was called into work so we have postponed it for another weekend soon. . .
As I sit in the warm and vibrate sun light this morning, I could not help but contemplate those close to me going through extremely hard times today on their Father’s Dad.
There seems to be something that is preliminarily transforming into a common element of our lives as we age. My thoughts are with those I love today, as today will never been the same again. So many people I looked up to growing up are now becoming fragile and ready to pass. This expression is dedicated to the loving and inspirational men of my closest loved ones. . . . I breathe deeply and find it had to swallow as I brace with full intention to suppress my tears in this moment. .
A year or so ago I had the privilege of meeting a man who was to become a close friend. . Our paths crossed in the oddest way with the utter most perfect timing imaginable (yes cliché like the movies). He faced the world each day with such a strong, outgoing and passionate manner you could NEVER have picked it . . . yep he was supporting his family as his father slowly and tortiously died from cancer . . . strange to say but I felt special knowing there was no one else in the world he would let his guard down to, to express his complete emotional impairment to the situation. . . He was so lost and yearned for some sort of answers to the millions of questions that always started with ‘Why?’ . . I was unsure how to help him when he so clearly needed support through such a heart wrenching time. The only thing I could do is just listen and be there night or day, and just remind him to think of all the good times, give him the right to be angry and pissed off at the world for allowing the suffering. He has told me this helped him more than anything else in the world and feel so grateful I was able to even slightly help him in such a time of sorrow.
I remember the last photo he had with his father. . Taken on Father’s Day! This day will forever be a reminder of the empty vessel that now lays dormant in his heart and soul. Father’s Day is a time of constantly craving for his father.
Compassion and empathy are some of my most proud qualities, however I have no true idealism of a Father to call upon during such times to honestly sympathise in an essences…. I have come to acknowledge now that I was born with that vessel in so many ways but was unsure of what it really was until witnessing others losing their Father’s. Great Father’s too, honourable Fathers’ that where always there with advise (not always the best but still) Father’s that loaned money in sticky times, Father’s that expressed and showed the love for their children. A father that stood by their child and supported them anyway they can. A father that always was thinking of them and elected every action, each day to represent the love and respect they have for their child. . . . I may not have had this kind of upbringing but I can still fathom it to a point but hence my dilemma when trying to be supportive to those I love that are losing such beautiful men of this world.
My heart goes out all the children of the world, because Father’s Day doesn’t get enough credit these days. . . Embrace your Father, forgive your Father, love your father, and teach all the new men of this world how to be great fathers. . No fuck that teach them to be GREAT parents. . . So I send love to those I know are suffering today after losing their Fathers. . .
For those of you suffering in the mist of losing your Father and know this may be your last Father’s Day, stay strong! Stay true to yourself and always remember how amazingly lucky you have been to have known your Father! My thoughts and prays are with you ALL !!
Thanks for stopping by . . . . .. . .
Stay safe and remember –
Inspire yourself, hold on to hope for better things to come, Love life!
Just a little note for Father’s Dad-
Happy Father’s Day . . .Love you Dad . . I may not have had the privilege of knowing you personally but am appreciative for all the wonderful stories others have told of you. . . Rest in Peace xx